LUCK, BE A LADY TONIGHT

Even in reporting an avian assault, Elder Max brings the charm. Love that kid!

27 October 2014

I’m kind of in a bad mood right now. I just got pooped on by a bird. I don’t even know how it happened. I was walking, and I think I hit it with my hand while my arms were swinging, because it was like on my fingers. For those of you keeping track, I have now been pooped on by birds 3 times in my life. And always while I’m away from home. First was in San Diego, on the beach, on my bare back. Second, Washington DC, on my shoulder, walking to a museum. And now, México, on my hand, walking to the internet café.

Anyway, my investigators are doing great. I don’t remember how much I’ve told you, because we have a lot of investigators with baptismal dates, so I’ll summarize here: Diana y Reyna are on track to be baptized this Saturday. Diana’s mom Dora (yeah, I know) just accepted the invitation to be baptized, and we’ve got her date as the 29 of November. We need to postpone Paco and Felipe, because they still haven’t come to church. I think that’s it.

I want to bear my testimony of happiness. We all want to be happy. Duh. If you don’t, you’re lying, or you’re just trying to be difficult. God, the most powerful being in existence, our Heavenly Father, ALSO wants us to be happy. He has the tools, the path, and the instrucions for perfect happiness. All we have to do is ask, and follow his plan. His perfect plan. Nothing else makes sense. If you want to be happy, do what it says in the Plan of Happiness. I’ve been guilty of not making that connection, but I won’t make that mistake again, and I pray that you guys won’t either. God loves us, He is our Father. He sent His son so that we could have Eternal Life, and if we follow Jesus Christ, we will be happy.

Now I have something to say about Animal Crossing. If you don’t know, this is the most adorable video game in existence. Basically, you just live in a little village where the other villagers are animals, like a horse named “Winnie” or a bird named “Jay” or a mouse named “Squeak” or a dog named “Chip”. Anyway, México is just like Animal Crossing, in that if you haven’t been home for a while and you move some furniture, cockroaches scuttle out from underneath. Unlike Animal Crossing, when you step on them, their cute little ghosts don’t lift out of their bodies, and you have to clean them up.

“Bienvenidos a Matamoros. I took [this] from our roof.”

“Well, what can you do?”

I already have enough stories to right a sequel to “La Pesera”, like when we mounted the curb and drove on the wrong side of the freeway because traffic was slow, or when a super old guy got on the bus with a busted-up guitar and sang the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard.

I found out that I’m a colored person here. They literally call me “Colorado”, which means “colored”. Also, being blonde here is like being British or Australian in the US. Everyone automatically thinks I’m super attractive. Whoduh thunk?

Oh my gosh. Please look up the opening credits to the TV show La Malquerida. I’m sure it’s online. I guarantee it’ll be the best 3-5 minutes of your day. You will have a perfect understanding of México if you watch it. Speaking of Mexican dramas, I want to understand them so badly. They’re on all the time, and I only understand enough to know I want to understand more. Why did that call make Sandra drop the phone and rub her pregnant belly? Why did Sofía run away from home and leave her grandmother all alone? Why did Ricardo need help streching his thighs? By the way, I’m not making these up. I have personally seen each of these scenes in different shows like “Until the End of the World” and “My Heart is Yours” and “The Cat.”

Finally, I’d like to comment on a brand of parenting I have encountered here. It’s rather unfamiliar to me, but it’s enough to say that in the United States, Tilda Swinton would have been called by now (high-five if you understand the connection between Tilda Swinton and Social Services, and if not, I recommend the film “Moonrise Kingdom”. But I recommend it as Max, not as a missionary.)

“I found this poster just stuck to a wall outside Mr. Mustard’s house on Penny Lane.”

I love you guys. Sorry for my scattered letter. You guys are the best.

Guarden la fe

Élder Webb

PS - Mama, for my Christmas package, I’d like a new watchband, and a harmonica. I play mine all the time, but I’d like one that Eli hasn’t chewed on, and that has all the notes in the scale.